Most leaders who lead in higher education got into this work because they care about people. They speak up for their teams in budget meetings, protect their time when possible, and give a little grace when a semester gets heavy. Our relationships make the campus feel like a community.
That same care can make some parts of the job hard. When someone on the team isn’t meeting expectations, waiting can feel like the kind choice. Maybe it’s a rough stretch… maybe it’ll sort itself out. Offering an extension or taking a task off someone’s plate comes from a good place.
Over time, though, waiting rarely helps. A missed deadline can become a pattern, and the team starts to feel the strain. The longer a concern goes unspoken, the harder a conversation becomes.
Leading Among Peers
Academic culture adds its own layers. Faculty expect a lot of autonomy, so raising a concern can feel like overstepping. Authority is often shared, matrixed, or fuzzy. A department chair may lead colleagues with more seniority, and she’ll likely rotate back to being their peer in a few years. A program director may depend on people who don’t report to her at all.
Those relationships are ongoing. You might sit on committees with this person for the next fifteen years. No wonder one hard conversation feels so high-stakes.
The risk of feedback creating a relational rift seems high, and if a leader hasn’t ever been taught how to deliver feedback gently but directly, it can be hard to know where to begin.
What Waiting Costs
When a concern goes unspoken, the problem grows. Strong performers carry the extra work and start to burn out. Newer staff learn that some expectations are optional. Over time, trust across the team can start to slip.
The person who’s struggling loses out too, because they never get the information they need to change course. Holding back can feel like a kindness, but it leaves them in the dark.
Accountability as Care
When we care deeply about the people on our teams, it can be easy to lean too far into understanding, at the cost of accountability. The thing is, they don’t have to be at odds. Holding a struggling employee accountable signals care for their wellbeing and for the wellbeing of the team.
What that care looks like depends on where someone is in their career. An underperforming new hire may need additional onboarding. A floundering employee who’s still finding their footing may need the collaboration of the team and strong leadership to rearrange responsibilities for a better fit. A disengaged longtime employee may have derailed and need intervention before they leave the field altogether.
Each of these scenarios requires an understanding, empathetic manager who is courageous enough to uphold the standards of the team and do it gently and firmly.
What This Looks Like In Practice
A few practices make these conversations easier for everyone involved.
Say something early
Small issues are easier to talk about than entrenched patterns. A quick, private conversation after the first missed deadline is kinder than a formal review after the fifth. Be plain and calm. Hints and side comments only leave people anxious and confused.
Stick to what you saw
Talk about the behavior and its effects on the work. Leave your theories about the person out of it. “You don’t seem to care about this committee” is based on assumptions and would put anyone on the defensive. “You’ve missed the last three meetings, and we’ve had to push two votes” gives them something real to respond to.
Make the expectation clear
A lot of academic norms are tacit and never said out loud. Spell out what’s needed, by when, and why it matters. “Be more responsive” means different things to different people. “Reply to student advising emails within two business days” leaves less room for interpretation and misunderstanding.
Ask, then listen
Once you’ve shared what you noticed, ask for their side of it. You might learn about a heavy course load, a sick parent, or confusion about priorities. You might find a process problem you didn’t know existed. That context doesn’t erase the expectation, but it will inform how you work through it together. Before you wrap up, agree on next steps you both understand.
Follow up
Put a time to check in on the calendar. Notice progress out loud when you see it. If nothing changes, go back with the same directness and the same care. Following through shows your colleague the conversation mattered. It also shows the rest of the team that expectations apply to everyone.
One Chair’s Conversation
Dr. Ellis has chaired her department for two years. A tenured colleague she’s known for over a decade has missed the last two deadlines for program assessment reports. Ellis has been finishing parts of the reports herself. Two junior faculty members have mentioned frustration about uneven workloads.
She’s held off on talking to him about the missed deadlines. They’ve been friends a long time, and in a few years she’ll be back on the faculty working beside him.
Eventually she asks for a short meeting. She opens by naming the pattern. “The assessment reports for the last two cycles came in after the deadline. I completed parts of them, and it delayed our submission to the dean’s office.” She explains the expectation for the next cycle and why the timeline matters for accreditation. Then she asks what’s been getting in the way.
Her colleague is surprised. He thought the deadlines were flexible. He also shares that a grant renewal has taken most of his time this year. Together, they set a draft date two weeks ahead of the deadline. Ellis offers to connect him with the college’s assessment coordinator, and they put a follow-up meeting on both calendars.
The conversation takes twenty minutes. It’s uncomfortable at the start, but it ends with clarity. The next report arrives on time. More important, they both know where they stand. The friendship Ellis worried about losing is still there, and now it’s a little more honest.
Where This Leaves Us
Collegiality and accountability go hand-in-hand. Strong relationships make honest conversations possible, and honest conversations keep those relationships strong. Sometimes the kindest thing a leader can do is tell a colleague the truth, offer support, and stay in the conversation.
These talks may never feel easy, but they do get more familiar with practice. Your team will feel the difference when people know what’s expected, feel respected, and have room to grow.
This matters beyond our own teams. Look around you and you’ll see a familiar pattern. Bad behavior goes unnamed for a long time, met with silence or even complicity. When someone finally points it out, the response swings hard toward punishment and judgment. There’s very little in-between.
Caring accountability is that missing middle. It names a problem early, holds people to a clear standard, and still leaves space for them to learn. When we practice it in our workplaces and in our homes, we show the people around us another way to respond when something goes wrong. Over time, that can create a bigger cultural shift that holds us all accountable to one another.
Shore Coaching partners with higher education leaders to build these skills through individual coaching, group coaching, and leadership development programs. Reach out to start a conversation about how we can support you and your team.